Hey, Dan — an open letter to the Ex-

Dear Dan,
Since Beth has so graciously published me in the Greensboring blog (where do people hang out, if they think Greensboro is boring? They ought to move further south!) I have some hopes that you might recognize and check this blog out. If you do —

I am ready to file for the ecclesiastical nullity procedure in the Church. I was Confirmed in November, 2002 — my conversion story is very early in the archives of this blog. You and I discussed this nullity idea several years ago, when I first began exploring converting, I think you’ll remember, and you offered no objections at that time. I need a current address for you, so the Tribunal can contact you and offer you the opportunity to participate in the proceedings.

I assume you likely will prefer not to participate; however, if you tell the tribunal rep that, yes, you’re gay, you’re out, and it’s not something we discussed before we were married, then that’s the end of it, I’m free in the eyes of the Church to date, marry, get on with my life. If you choose not to participate or to cooperate with the tribunal rep, then they’ll come back to me asking for witnesses: family, friends, anyone who can give a statement about our marriage, our lives now, etc. I’d have to name your parents, your siblings, others… and I’d rather not — not so much to protect you as to protect them. I know Richard and Lila are elderly and have been plagued with poor health in recent years. Remembering Lila, I dare say it would upset her terribly, and she’d come back and harp at you about it.

I hope you’ll be willing to cooperate. I really, really want this.

Our older daughter told me next to last time I saw her that you’re living with a partner now. I hope the life you have chosen for yourself is everything you were promised it would be. My life is quiet and I am happy, really, in just about every way imaginable.

Give the girls my love. Remember to keep a generous portion for yourself. I get angry, resentful (I am adept at understatement, you see)… but I do remember, don’t forget, the boy I used to love… who was my hero in defending me against Mother… who held me and cried with me when I had the miscarriage… who held me and shared the awe (despite the brutal nausea) of my being pregnant… who helped me get through difficult and frightening labors… who helped me first to know the Lord and so paved the way for the Faith I now find such joy in… my friend.

There are some people, friends, from the old days you might want updates on if you want to contact me.

You know how to reach me — the email address Judy had for you is now closed, of course (as I suspect you know) — I still am at the same address and phone number I’ve been at for 12+ years now. Email is the most consistent way to reach me, though. Judy can give that to you, of course. I have no contact with Deann and won’t use her as an intermediary.

Take care.

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