I was supposed to meet with a retired priest this morning to discuss beginning spiritual direction, but the sinus ick I’ve been plagued with for the better part of the week seems to be settled in and it has me by the throat – literally: laryngitis.
I’m terribly disappointed. The more I read in St Francis de Sales’ Introduction to the Devout Life the more convinced I become that my old habits as a former Protestant are self-defeating; I need help – to know myself more honestly and to learn to live a holy life, to be a holier woman. This particular retired priest, too, is a lovely gentleman, one I think I will love to work with. Another priest friend of mine recommended him highly, said he had found him to be an excellent Confessor. So I have been more eager about starting with Fr John today than almost all the Christmas festivities.
It’s a huge step, this acknowledging that I need help. I’ve always had to at least convey an image of some sort of perfection and superiority; now I get to be just the opposite. It won’t be easy for me, but I think it’s time. Yeah, it’s definitely time.