In Joyful celebration

Coming to the end of the one-year anniversary of the Declaration of Nullity from my first husband, which has been an amazing year of self-discovery, and I feel as if I’m still just beginning.

For a long time I described myself as a mule – a strange hybrid animal, steady and heardworking, but nevertheless a mule – a cross between a donkey and a horse, a sterile hybrid, unable to reproduce and given to rather eccentric temperament – and completely inelegant!

Then I decided, maybe I’m not a mule, but the best I can hope for is some broken-down scrub of a plow horse… still inelegant, a bit rough around the edges, lacking breeding and social graces…

In short, I was re-entering “polite society” after a very unpleasant and unwilling detour, and I felt unworthy of the companionship of the extraordinary people I was meeting and, surprisingly, making friends with. I felt backwards and ignorant and clumsy and wholly out of place with these educated, cultured, intelligent men and women.

Since the granting of the Declaration of Nullity, however, the way I see myself has been changing at lightening speed. For years, I had felt I deserved the derision, the scorn, the ridicule, the dismissals – after all, I’m hardly a Domestic Goddess! – and then I’d put on all this weight – and I was not just fat, I was clumsy and graceless and just downright awful.

During this year – to make a very complex story very short – I have discovered that I am neither mule nor broken-down plow horse, but a far more graceful breed. More to the point, I am not some androgynous thing of a beast, but – not merely physiologically, but emotionally, spiritually, ontologically – a woman. A woman, with all the grace and beauty and dignity and strength of character, and purity of vision and heart, and capacity for love and self-donation…

I am more wholly myself, my real self! – and more capable of love and devotion than I was at the age of 18, when I married DH.

The immediate difference is that I no longer feel embarrassed about being a woman – about inconveniencing someone who is holding a door for me, or asking the boys at school to remove their hats in my presence, or being embarrassed when a man slips with a bit of profanity in my presence…

I’m still working on the domestic stuff. I still doubt myself in this sphere, but it is getting easier as I’ve been working to declutter the house, and to rid myself of items that have unhappy or unpleasant associations (like the love seat with R’s cigarette burns) – and of course, the very discipline of homekeeping is getting easier as I have less to fight against…

The past eleven months have been absolutely full of wonderful discovery. I’ve come to feel that – while I’m not THE “pearl of great price,” I certainly am more valuable than I ever knew myself to be, before – certainly “priced far above rubies.”

I am eagerly looking forward to more discovery and growth. I look forward to all that the future holds.

Thanks, All, for your prayers for me. I know they are helping.

The damage done to a woman’s soul when she is bound to a homosexual man is severe. I’m going to be doing a lot more writing about this topic on future – there aren’t enough resources for this need, and most of the ones I’ve seen are decidedly secular, and one or two are downright liberal and almost anti-Christian in their orientation (No! I do NOT want my ex- to have a happy and fulfilling gay “marriage!” I want him to be CONVERTED!!!)

Blessings to you all –

Powerful insights from A. Guy Maligned –

From “Guy” at What Women Never Hear. If you haven’t visited this blog, you should. Frequently. Attentively.

401. Dark Side of Feminism — Part 21

December 6, 2008 by A.GuyMaligned

Feminism produced political, legal, and economic gains for women. No dispute from me. But women have not heard it all.

The warring and do-battle feminist mindset infiltrated elsewhere. The social and domestic arenas ‘evolved’ over fifty years through the following steps:

The earliest women libbers and then radical feminists sought to reduce male dominance and compensate for past injustices. Men had to be ‘brought down’. The radicals dreamed that matriarchy would someday overpower patriarchy.

· Plus, they pushed their agenda without consulting men. It was women only, and they set out to beat men into submission.

· The movement caught on. Ardent feminists belittled and demeaned masculinity, manliness, and men. As it became popular among females, it polarized the genders.

· Females identified and spotlighted every imperfection and eccentricity of male gender. They looked for the same in their man.

· Women were at fault for nothing. Men objected but not too strongly, because unmarried sex became common and commoner, cheaper and cheaper.

· TV and movies mocked men, made dummies of fathers and husbands. Emails flooded cyberspace and popularized male bashing. Teasing at first, but sincerity inevitably soaked in as Feminism flooded the culture.

· Women accepted feminist propaganda, entertainment mockery, and male bashing as ‘truthful’. They learned to doubt the worth of men to women.

· Women convinced themselves that ‘Men are just not worth their troublesome nature. Women must put their man in his place. Moreover, she’s perfectly capable of doing without him’.

· But something else seeped into that poorly concocted mixture: Wives competed directly with husband; they spent a lot of time ‘in his face’. Couples split. Marriages broke up. Unmarried sex normalized. Men became worse instead of better. Cheap sex kept men satisfied if not happy.

· Men learned not to commit and also to cheat in spite of commitment. It all flows directly, however, from so much cheap sex made easily available by females.

· Today, men just follow their urge to merge. One woman can’t capture and keep a man’s devotion separated from his conquering spirit. Too many opportunities with all those oh-so-willing females hunting boyfriends and husbands.

· Women lost the ability or interest or both for holding their own with a man. Female spirits declined. Men went on a cheap sex binge. Wifely hopes and dreams changed to accommodate husbands that turn undependable, irresponsible, and irresolute with their vows. The females’ macro self-fulfilling prophecy against the male gender reshaped the domestic scene to its present female-unfriendly status.

Thus, social ‘evolution’ turned the female gender inferior and made male dominance more dominant. Witness pop culture music and values.

Social and domestic results are contrary to that originally expected. But—as women go, so goes society.

And now, for something completely different:

After all the political talk, I thought it might be time to interject something, well, more ladylike. This is a photo of a “Romantic” era dress, pattern provided by Sense and Sensibility Patterns. I think I’m going to have to learn how to sew – There is a jumper under the Romantic page, and a walking skirt under the Edwardian, and the tea dress under the Titanic page, that I could see being worn out and about even now, without one becoming conspicuous for doing so.

Fascinating Womanhood?


For years I’ve been advocating a mass-market paperback called Fascinating Womanhood, by Helen Andelin, to all and sundry who would put up with it. But over the weekend I learned of an even older source – a charming little book published in the 1920s, from which Andelin gets most of her ideas, and, I’m very sorry to say, most of her content – unattributed.

Like Andelin’s book, it is called Fascinating Womanhood. The author is anonymous, which intrigues me a bit.

You have to make some allowances for the period in which this was written – the writing style itself is simplistic to the point of feeling patronizing – but there’s a lot of quality there, too. Human nature, after all, doesn’t change.

Do, please, check it out.

And a special thinks to Penelope for introducing me to this booklet.

healthy!

Wow. Apologies, all, for being AWOL or MIA the past few days.

Dr’s appts the past couple weeks. Annual check, blood work – elevated blood sugar, elevated cholesterol –

The sugar is okay – good results from the glucose tolerance test this a.m. – the Mammogram report indicates The Girls look good – cholesterol is a little high but I can make a few amendments to my diet to counter that.

Had a good chat with the nurse practitioner about weight loss strategies, etc.

All this is so important because in the past couple months I’ve been learning more and more about myself – and it’s time for some changes. My home didn’t reflect the essential, the ontological Me, so I’ve been working at keeping it tidier, and I’ve been dreaming about decorating options. Now it’s time to work on my physical shell, my body – also to serve as an honest visual reflection of who I am.

Also doing some interior work. I was trained as a girl not to inconvenience others, not to take, but to give in order to be deemed worthy of acceptance. My mom’s health also taught me that, if I wanted something, I had to be more aggressive in order to get it. These old ways of being are backfiring on me now. I don’t want always to be a self-sufficient woman who needs no one and nothing, who has to all but overtly apologize for existing.

Book reviews coming up shortly – maybe. If I can screw up my courage long enough LOL

Understanding Women – Part one: the simple (OBVIOUS) stuff

Men like to roll their eyes about how hard it is to understand women, and yet, while I agree we are a lot more complex than they are, it’s really quite a simple thing to understand us.

First of all, autonomy, free will, is as important to a woman as it is to any man. The freedom to choose what to wear, whether to wash up immediately after supper or to leave the dishes until morning when one is refreshed – even serious issues like whether and when to apply for an annulment – these are things that we are not wiling to have dictated to us.

Men should understand this. They don’t want to be told what to believe, how to spend their time, what to say to this person or that… – so why is it so difficult to recognize this love of individual liberty in us?

We also want to be respected even as men expect us to respect them. John might want sympathy and admiration from his lady friend over a difficult work or family situation – but when he is resentfully intolerant of her advice, when he thinks he can freely provide her with advice how she should improve herself in order to be good enough for him – that is flagrant disrespect.

Why is this so hard to understand? Why is John so surprised, so bewildered that Marge is mad at him for trying to fix – not a situation, but her very self?

Too Young to be so Old!

I hadn’t read the book in a long time – it’s the story of a young girl sent to live with a spinster aunt after her mother dies. I used to read the book because Julie, the heroine, was my age and I identified with her. Yesterday, I realized that I identify now with the spinster aunt.

I’m actually older than that aunt would have been, I think. And it is alarming how staid and unemotional and self-controlled and elderly she seems. Of course, the story is told from the point of view of the young girl, and a woman in her forties could appear elderly to a youngster…

But I look through the other books on my shelf, and not a one of them features a middle-aged woman as anything interesting.

This is shameful! This is heartbreaking! It’s dishonest, what’s more, and I hope someone will do soething serious about it before long. I don’t mean a comic series like the “Miss Julia” stories (which I couldn’t enjoy because of how implausible they seemed to me, when I read the first one) – but a real romance, in which a middle-aged woman is allowed to fall in love with all the wonder and amazement and even greater beauty than happens with the young folk.

I may be fifty, but my heart is as light and as capable of devotion and passion as it was when I was twenty – no! even more so, because the experiences of the past thirty years have taught me what a gift, what a treasure it is to be able to love – and to be loved.

In fact, I strongly suspect (and would dearly love a chance to prove it) that we older folks could make the youngsters blush with the ferocity of our passions – and not just the erotic ones, but the rest as well: the simple affections, the joys and delights of companionship, the fierceness of our loyalties, the power of our devotion, the joy and sense of privilege in our mutual service –

We have so much more, now, to bring into loving someone than we did as youngsters. Kids have the capacity, but not the refinement; we have been tried in a great many fires, and consequently are capable of loving better, more truly, than when we were young and green and innocent of the world.